How do you say No when someone asks you if you love them?

Perpetual bewilderment. Every time I slow down enough for some-- even if it is merely cursory-- self-examination, I come up with this.

From the melancholic mornings to the euphoric evenings, then the insomia at night and the catatonia at dawn, just shuttling between altered states.

This is the cost of ignorance. This is because two years ago I decided that I didn't want to know myself any more. I decided that self-awareness as overrated and I just wanted to be normal.

Now I am a stranger to myself and look how I constantly surprise me with how cruel and cold-hearted I can be.